Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
