Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
