So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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