I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
