saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
