I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I pour the whiskey from now on
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
