Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
