I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
