Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
