yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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