I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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