i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
