i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
