i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
