Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
