I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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