I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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