there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize