i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
