I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
