I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
