bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
