she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
