he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
