Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
