Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize