My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
