Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
