he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
