I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
