I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
