aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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