You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
