So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
