My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize