you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
