I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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