I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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