I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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