how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
