Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
