at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
