Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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