Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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