i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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