I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
