hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
