I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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