Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
