Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
