she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
