i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
