I think I died a long time ago.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
