I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
foreskin is a definite game changer
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
