I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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