All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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