I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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