How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
