I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
