I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
