how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
