So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
