i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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