a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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