she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize