I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
