i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
