I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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