Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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