Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
