I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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